Love isn't Forever
by X Kyle X
Summary: "How can you...watch..without even hurting?" Tsuna asked.  "I tell myself everyday. If I can't be with you then, it would be sheer happiness to live, to die for the sole purpose of protecting you." Gokudera replied. Two shot. Lemon.
1. Love isn't Forever

**Love isn't Forever**

Sawada Tsunayoshi was sitting in math class but his mind wasn't on the formulas the teacher was busy clarifying on the board. They were mostly on his best friend, Gokudera Hayato. A male. He didn't find it weird or even wrong that he was thinking about Gokudera in dirty nasty ways. There were worst days were he would daydream about having sex with Gokudera and it wasn't wrong at all. It wasn't wrong because in a sense he and Gokudera are together.

Tsuna unconsciously chewed on his pencil tip as the moment in his head turned hot. God, it looked so good. Tsuna could picture Gokudera kissing, sucking at his neck leaving nothing but small little red bruises as he went. In the daydream Gokudera moved lower to the only place where Tsuna could be pleased, but when the dry tasteless flavor of eraser touched Tsuna's tongue the dream evaporated.

Tsuna spit out the chunk of pink eraser onto his notebook and prayed no one saw that. It's been a month since the last time he had sex and he was craving it, badly. He would hate to admit it, but the first time he and Gokudera had sex it was a mistake. It happened with a stare which lead to kiss and that kiss turned into Tsuna being on the bed enjoying the time of his life. The sex wasn't perfect but Tsuna wanted it to be. He wanted to have sex with Gokudera a second time and maybe just maybe he wouldn't cry about the pain and would actually cry out for Gokudera. Maybe then it would have been ten times better.

When the bell rang Tsuna jumped up. The bell scared him out of his thoughts but on the bright side school was over for the day and that meant Tsuna could walk home with Gokudera. Holding hands as they went. Just the thought made Tsuna's stomach fill with butterflies. He loved those little cute moments with Gokudera. Tsuna crammed his books into his book bag and rushed out the classroom.

He knew Gokudera would be hanging around somewhere near the baseball field since his last period was physical education. Tsuna ran down the stairs, skipping some steps as he went. When Tsuna stepped outside his instincts were to find Gokudera but it wasn't that hard to find him since he could hear Gokudera's yelling. He was busy scolding Yamamoto Takeshi, another friend from school.

"What the hell is your problem? Can't you even kick a ball right?" Gokudera yelled as he kicked a rock out his path.

"Well, I rather hit a ball with a bat then kick it." Yamamoto joked as he slid his arm over Gokudera's shoulder "Beside Gokudera-kun you're pretty good at kickball."

"Get off me, baseball idiot!" Gokudera growled and shrugged him off his shoulders. He grinded his teeth in anger but he froze when he saw his Tenth standing near the door. Tsuna smiled happily that his bangs swayed with his head. He loved that embarrass expression on Gokudera's face. It was very cute.

"Oh hello, Tsuna." Yamamoto smiled as always does to the brunette. "I'm gonna go on ahead." The tall baseball player looked over to Gokudera and lightly elbowed him in his side. "See you in detention, Gokudera." Yamamoto walked away in the other direction. He left Tsuna and Gokudera alone.

Tsuna sighed before he asked. "Detention again, Gokudera-kun?"

"I can't help it Tenth. I like smoking on the roof. It's the only place where I can relax." Gokudera explained as he pulled the door open. He walked inside with his Tenth close behind him.

"You can do that during the lunch break. You get detention because you cut class and smoke on the roof." Tsuna shot back. He trailed behind Gokudera as they went into the locker room together.

"Fine, I'll stop." Gokudera said as he spun the dial and the locker opened up. "Beside Tenth, you usually never get upset about me getting detention. How come now you are?" Gokudera pulled out his book bag from his locker and closed it. Tsuna had a look on his face as if he couldn't believe what Gokudera had just said to him. To Gokudera they were just words but it left a burning sensation in Tsuna's chest. Gokudera was questioning Tsuna when he was just looking out for him.

"Well, I…I…" Tsuna trailed off for he couldn't really explain how he felt.

Gokudera looked at the clock that hung above door. Detention was about to start. "I'm sorry Tenth, I have to go."

"Fine. I'll see-" Tsuna stopped when Gokudera placed his lips onto his. It was a quick kiss that Tsuna didn't even have time to close his eyes let alone kiss him back.

"See you tomorrow, Tenth." The silverette smiled at him before he left a completely shocked Tsuna by himself. There was nothing Tsuna could do about Gokudera getting dentition. Even if he wanted to walk home with Gokudera or even take him home and spend a night with him. Tsuna's face lit up with a blush as he looked down to the floor. He really needs to stop thinking dirty.

Tsuna walked home from school but it didn't feel the same without Gokudera. It felt as if Gokudera didn't even care if they didn't have time for each other. It made Tsuna think twice if their love was real. When Tsuna pulled the door open to his house he told himself to forget about it. He knew he loved Gokudera. Nothing will ever stop his love for him but he knew it was endless. He was the one that propose his feeling towards Gokudera. To the brunette's surprise when Gokudera said yes and even explained to him that he felt the same way towards Tsuna.

"I'm home." Tsuna called out. He closed the door behind him and told himself to just throw away all his troubling thoughts.

"Tsuna-nii!" cried the ten year old Futa. He ran over to the sound of Tsuna's voice. Futa, of course wasn't Tsuna's little brother but Tsuna just played along with it. He kind of liked it, since he was an only child.

"Hello, Futa" Tsuna smiled as he took his shoes off and entered the home. "Where's mama?" he asked as he rubbed the top of Futa's sand colored hair.

"In the kitchen with Bianchi-nee." replied Futa. He followed after his older brother into the kitchen with a smile on his face. He always loved it when Tsuna returned home from school, alone.

"Mom, I'm home." Tsuna said as he poked his head through the kitchen door. He found his mother sitting at the table reading a cooking magazine while Bianchi was behind the stove. She was brewing something in a pot since purple haze was coming out of it. Tsuna held his breathe. Just the smell of Gokudera's sister cooking was enough to make anyone sick.

"Tsu-kun, you're home! Oh? Gokudera-kun isn't with you? That's strange." Nana Sawada spoke in a motherly tone like always.

"_Tell me about it," _Tsuna wanted to say but instead he said "Yeah; he had to stay after school."

"Oh okay, well then dinner won't be ready for another hour or so. Go ahead and relax a little." Nana smiled at her son.

"Tsuna-nii, I made a new ranking today do you wanna hear it?" Futa asked as he pulled on Tsuna's pants so he could look down at him.

"Not right now Futa, maybe later." Tsuna replied.

"Please!" He begged.

"No Futa I'm tired."

"Do it, No-Good-Tsuna!" Reborn raised his voice as he threw Futa's ranking book at the back of Tsuna's head. He was just walking by the kitchen when he heard the conversation. Perfect time to make his mark.

"Ow!" Tsuna yelled and turned around to face the culprit."What was that for?"

"You should bond with your family Tsuna. You're about to be a boss of a family and you should learn responsibility." Reborn explained as a grin formed at the edge of his lips.

"I'm not going to become a boss!" Tsuna yelled at the tiny baby.

"Don't talk back to me, No-Good-Tsuna." Reborn growled and Tsuna backed away. He knew that look.

"Fine, come on Futa." Tsuna groaned. "Let's go to the living room."

"Yay!" Futa grabbed Tsuna's hand and pulled him into the living room. "You're going to like it!"

When they entered the living room they sat down on the couch, together. Tsuna gave the book to Futa who sat close to Tsuna. The ten year old started to flip through the pages till he reached the page where he started to write down on from earlier that day. Tsuna watched Futa with a fake smile on his face. He just wanted to be locked away in his room till the morning arrived.

"My ranking from this morning was-" Futa started but never finished because he was interrupted.

"BAKA TSUNA!" A five year toddler yelled out. He ran into the room wearing his favorite cow costume. His name was Lambo Bovino, the family's nuisance.

"Where is Lambo-san's candy?" He jumped up onto Tsuna's lap.

"Lambo I didn't get you any candy." Tsuna said but regretted it later because he knew brought hell upon himself.

"WHHHY!" Lambo yelled again. He pouted like the little brat that he is.

"Because…because um…I was busy?" Tsuna replied making it sound more like a question than a response.

"Lambo, I was telling Tsuna-nii my ranking, come back another time." Futa whined like a child and grabbed hold of Tsuna's arm. He held it tight because he wasn't sure when he'll ever get alone time like this with his brother.

"Lambo-san couldn't care about Futa's stupid ranking." Lampo swished his hand at Futa as if he was an annoying bee buzzing around his ear.

"Lambo that wasn't nice!" Tsuna exclaimed. "Apologize right now!"

"No! Not until you buy Lambo-san his candy!"

"Lambo…that's not fair." Tsuna's eyebrow twitched as he looked away. It was hard to please anybody around here without at least somebody complaining.

"Tsu-kun, can you please give Lambo-san a bath, I'm kind of busy right now." Nana's voice called out from the kitchen.

Oh shit.

There was a long silence as Tsuna stared at Lambo. He knew Lambo didn't like baths and he'll probably have to chase him around the house just to get him into the bathroom. Lambo stared back at Tsuna with widen eyes like the size of dinner plates. Lambo needed to find an escape route and quick. Futa just stared as he didn't get it. He pulled on Tsuna's shirt.

"Tsuna-nii?" asked Futa.

"Shhh…" Tsuna hushed Futa. He slowly pulled his arm out of Futa's grip so he could have two free hands to grab the tiny toddler.

"Lambo…I was playing with you. I do have candy for you." Tsuna teased. He quickly stood up and snatched Lambo. He held him up in the air before the tiny toddler could even have the chance to jump off his lap and make a run for it.

"Liar! Let me go Baka-Tsuna! Aho-Tsuna! Dame-Tsuna!" Lambo yelled as he tried to escape Tsuna's grip.

"Tsuna-nii! Give me a bath too!" Futa shouted as he grabbed hold of the Tsuna's leg and wasn't planning to let go.

"Futa I can't move with you hanging on my leg-AHH!" Tsuna said but Lambo took the only chance he had and bang his forehead into Tsuna's head. Tsuna dropped Lambo and the five year old was flying out the door.

"Damn it!" Tsuna groaned as he rubbed the top of his head. Futa immediately let go of his brother's leg and stepped away. He knew it was his fault and allowed Lambo to get away.

"Tsuna-nii, are you okay?" Futa tried to comfort Tsuna.

"No, Futa I'm not!" Tsuna groaned as he made his way to the door. He left behind a doubtful and dreadful Futa behind. It was hard not to knock over anything when there was a serious dizziness in his head. When Tsuna stepped into the hallway there was the tiny little devil holding up a purple bazooka. Tsuna scoffed as he knew Lambo would never fire at him.

"Die! Tsuna!" Lambo yelled. He used the bazooka as a battling ram and ran towards Tsuna but Tsuna took a step aside and Lambo ran into a wall. He fell back on his butt and started to cry.

"Lambo, I don't want to fight with-" Tsuna trailed off when he saw the yellow static spark around the Ten Year Bazooka. He never saw such a thing before and if he's seeing it now. It probably means something is wrong with the bazooka.

"Gotta…stay…calm!" Lambo cried as he got up, pointed the bazooka at Tsuna and fired. No time to react or even think, Tsuna stayed put and allowed to be shot at. He was in seconds traveling through time, ten years in the future to be exact. It was a pretty strange world Tsuna was seeing. It looked almost out of an anime. There were bright colors as far as the eye could see and Tsuna thought he was lost in a rainbow. The bright colors flashed before his eyes like fireworks. Then, all of a sudden it was black. Tsuna blinked his eyes thinking maybe he closed them but it was still dark. Where was his future self? In a cave or something? Where was he?

"Tenth…?"

Tsuna felt a warm soft hand caresses his cheek and his heart jump when he finally recognized the voice. What are the chances of meeting him in the future? Tsuna's excitement was spilling out of him and found it hard to speak.

"Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna forced himself to say the name.

Silence, a cold silence that could have killed anyone. Why was Tsuna acting this way for? It's Gokudera for shit's sake! Why was he acting as if he was a stranger? Tsuna gulped back and raised his hands till they found Gokudera's face. He softly trailed his fingers over Gokudera's cheekbone and rested them at his lips. His heart raced when he realized Gokudera was right above him. Tsuna knew that he was lying down on a soft surface but it was hard to believe that Gokudera was right above him. Tsuna dropped his hands and couldn't believe this.

"Are you…" Gokudera's voice spoke once more and Tsuna's chest constricted. Gokudera's voice was deeper then usually. It was Gokudera ten years in the future. A twenty-four year old Gokudera with a husky tone of voice that made Tsuna's insides melt. A bright light flashed over Tsuna from the corner of his eye. It was a lamp that Gokudera turned on so he could see his Tenth. Once light was restored Tsuna could clearly see the Gokudera of the future. His Gokudera.

"It's you…ten years ago." Gokudera said doubtfully as he got off Tsuna. Tsuna couldn't even comprehend what he said because he was far more focused on staring at the mature, older Gokudera. Tsuna slowly sat up and couldn't keep his eyes off Gokudera. He was more appealing and more sensual than ever. His silver hair was shorter and it didn't frame his face like it did in the past. His eyes were a bright green and far brighter than the fourteen year old Gokudera's.

Tsuna then noticed a hint of melancholy that clung to Gokudera. Something only Tsuna could see. He wanted to speak. He wanted to know why Gokudera looked so sad to see him but the future Gokudera stole his chance. When Gokudera did speak, Tsuna forgot what he was going to ask. It was hard to keep a straight thought with a larger and more sensual Gokudera in front of poor Tsuna.

"Tenth, are you okay?" Gokudera asked as he motioned closer. He wanted to reach out and touch the teenage boy but his hand pulled back. He remembered a dreadful thought and knew it wasn't his right to touch him. Tsuna saw the Vongola ring on Gokudera's third finger and knew he would become a Guardian. Tsuna's guardian, like Reborn said.

"Does this really…happen?" Tsuna spoke and it even surprised Gokudera. "Are you really the Guardian of the Storm? My Guardian?" He questioned.

Gokudera smiled at him. "Of course."

"Wow, I definitely feel safer." Tsuna joked with a smile escaping him. Gokudera's smile faded to an almost frown. Tsuna caught that but didn't say anything as he watched Gokudera back away from him.

"Yeah, I guess." He said with a bit of uncertainty that Tsuna caught quickly. Something was very wrong with him.

"Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna called out. He didn't like the fact that Gokudera was moving away from him so he leaned forward, shortening the distance. "What's wrong, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He replied as he got up from the bed but was brought back down by Tsuna grabbing his arm.

"I know you're not." Tsuna spoke very seriously as he stared into Gokudera's green colored eyes. The brunette was determined to find the reason and Gokudera could see this. A sweep of old memories of his Tenth and the many moments of being close to him filled his head. He knew he couldn't hide anything from him.

Gokudera smiled lovingly and said. "You're so kind, Tsuna."

Tsuna flustered on the spot and blushed. "Its-it's normal to ask." He stuttered.

"I'm fine, really." Gokudera chuckled to himself and Tsuna watched. It was so cute, and there was another word to describe it but the word couldn't be found. An almost indescribable moment. Then, Tsuna wondered about the future and there was nobody else to ask but Gokudera. It was a very direct question but it was Gokudera. Tsuna sure he'll understand.

"Gokudera-kun, are we…still together…in the future?" Tsuna asked as he released his grip on Gokudera' arm. Gokudera went back to being serious and looked away. He didn't want to answer it but his Tenth asked him a question and as his guardian he had to answer. What was he thinking? It was his Tsuna. Of course he had to answer.

"No."

Tsuna's heart stopped and he couldn't even move from that point. How? How can this be? What happen? Why? Was it because Tsuna was sex crazy about Gokudera? Was it because he couldn't stand Gokudera's smoking? Whatever the silly reason it may be, it just couldn't have ended. Tsuna didn't like walking home alone without Gokudera let alone separating from him. Just the thought made the brunette nauseas.

"How…no…?" Tsuna spoke but knew it wasn't him talking but his broken heart crying out in sadness.

Gokudera immediately wrapped his arms around Tsuna. He held him in a tight embrace in a way to comfort him. "Don't cry, Tsuna." His voice sounded so gentle that it could cradle Tsuna's heart in happiness. Tsuna held onto Gokudera as if his body was breaking into pieces. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak but his eyes water, blurring his vision.

"Love isn't forever." Gokudera whispered into Tsuna's ear. Those words made Tsuna cringe and he pulled himself away from Gokudera.

"Of course it is!" He squeaked before breaking into small sobs. The sting of his tears captured Tsuna's words before he could even say them. Gokudera thinking he needed to comfort Tsuna even further kissed the top of his forehead. He held his face with his hands holding him close like he did in middle school.

"Tsuna don't cry." He spoke and Tsuna broke away once again. The fury rising over his grief.

"Why did you kiss my forehead just now? Because you love me! And I love you! So _we have _to be together! You only break apart if you don't love them anymore!" Tsuna yelled as he fought back those awful tears. He didn't want to cry in front of the future Gokudera. Gokudera dropped his head knowing what he was going to say next was going to hurt his Tenth even more.

"It ended because you said you didn't love me anymore." Gokudera paused for a moment and continued. "In this time, you're with someone else."

A silence, a dead cold silence that ripped Tsuna's heart in pieces.

Gokudera look up and said "Tenth?"

He saw the clear tears just rushing down Tsuna's cheeks. It was a nonstop waterfall. A sight he never wanted to see and yet he was the one who caused it. Why couldn't he something right for Tenth for a change?

"Hey, please don't cry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that." Gokudera backed away thinking he caused enough pain for his Tenth. Tsuna sat there unable to control his tears, but he knew he needed to say something.

"I-I-I-I'm…so s-s-sorry!" He forced himself to say through sobs. Gokudera's eyebrows crumpled together incapable to fully understand what Tsuna was saying.

"I'm sorry that…that I was the one who…ended it." Tsuna wiped away his tears with his arm. "I must have hurt you…" The brunette hiccupped like crazy.

Gokudera was surprised by Tsuna's words that he was frozen. The Tenth in his time never said words like that. He never apologized because he never thought he hurt Gokudera. Never. It was becoming too hard to believe that they were the same person. As if the teenage Tsuna was a completely different person from the future Tsuna. Gokudera looked away and could only think that love was giving him a second chance.

"I'm sorry." Tsuna said again as he dropped his hands on his lap. He slumped his shoulders back and was completely a mess. What could have caused him to love someone else besides Gokudera? Who else could possible make him feel so alive other than Gokudera? There's nobody else on the planet that could him feel needed. Tsuna always felt worthless because he was No-good-Tsuna. Everybody else hated him, but Gokudera. Gokudera admired him. He thought of Tsuna like an idol, but all that was meaningless now. Meaningless…

"Tsuna…" Gokudera said his name and Tsuna brought his head back up.

Tsuna could have never predicated feeling Gokudera's lips touch his. It was just a tap, as if Gokudera wasn't sure if he should kiss him but Tsuna being impatient pushed his head forward and completed the kiss. Tsuna let everything he felt flush out of him, all of it, because this was just what he needed, Gokudera's love.

Unable to control himself, Gokudera took it even further by deepening the kiss. Tsuna let Gokudera enter his mouth and let him do whatever he wanted. It felt good and right to feel Gokudera's tongue wrapped around his. How could they not be together in future? It didn't make any sense. Guilt crowded inside Gokudera's heart and knew he had to break this kiss. It wasn't right but it didn't stop him to rest his forehead on Tsuna's forehead.

"I still love you…" Gokudera said out loud the secret he was holding for the past six years now. Weight was removed from his chest when the words left his mouth. It was easy to say it to the Tsuna that still loves him in the past, but in the future. It was hard to even smile at his Tenth without some pain.

"I'll always love you." Tsuna replied as he held Gokudera's face with his hands very gently.

The two were locked in a moment staring at one another, seeing another's souls. It was a moment Tsuna wished it never ended. He wanted to stay with this Gokudera because he knew he hurt this one, but how could he? This was not his time and sooner or later he would have to return to his time period and return back to his other Gokudera. The one he hasn't hurt, yet.

"Tsuna, how come you haven't gone back yet?" Gokudera asked as he was able to read what Tsuna was thinking.

"I don't know….before I got hit with ten year bazooka it got damaged." Tsuna replied.

"That explains it." Gokudera smiled and Tsuna couldn't help to do so as well. In the end, the two started to laugh. Tsuna had no idea what he was laughing at but it felt great after crying. Gokudera had no idea why he started laughing. Maybe it was because he heart was filled with joy and needed to release some happiness, but it felt good. He hasn't laugh this good in a while, especial with his Tenth.

When the laughter died down there was another moment of staring at one another. Tsuna enjoyed that and couldn't help but run his hands through Gokudera's silver hair. It was soft and nice. He enjoyed this Gokudera. Tsuna smiled as his fingers finished their way out of Gokudera's hair. Gokudera smiled as he kissed Tsuna's forehead again. Tsuna dropped his head into Gokudera's chest and hugged him. He wanted to be held and knew Gokudera would wrap his arms around him tightly. Tsuna raised his head and looked to Gokudera one last time.

"I love you, Tsuna." Gokudera said before he kissed his lips softly. They broke away and Tsuna snuggled into Gokudera's chest. Tsuna closed his eyes as it stayed like this for a good whole five minutes. They didn't want to let go of the other. They didn't want it to end and wanted to be locked in such an affectionate hug. Tsuna opened his eyes slightly as he couldn't get rid of the fact that it was him that destroyed such a wonderful person like Gokudera. He wondered how much of Gokudera's courage did he pounded out of him? Tsuna pulled away and he looked up to Gokudera. He didn't feel like speaking but it seemed like moment called for it.

"Gokudera, who's the person that I'm with…in this time?" Tsuna asked as he needed to know or the pain would never ease inside his heart.

Gokudera wanted to avoid that question but he found another way to answer it "I can't tell you that."

"Why?" Tsuna begged.

"Because, you'll stay away from him when you get back to your time and…" He trailed off.

"And?" Tsuna gripped Gokudera's shirt as if the answer was just in his reach.

"You're happy with him more than you'll ever be with me. I want you to be with him." Gokudera said so calmly that Tsuna's mouth dropped open.

"What! That is the stupidest reason I ever heard! How do you even know?" Tsuna raised his voice.

"Tsuna…would I lie to you?" Gokudera said softly and Tsuna looked away. That was true. He couldn't take it any longer. He couldn't take the fact that it was him that destroyed this perfect relationship. That he was the one that ruin everything. He really was no good!

Tsuna hesitated but found himself to speak. "H-how…" Tsuna voice was shaking. He knew his future self caused this. He wanted to change it all. He gulped back and continued. "How can you watch someone else love me? How can you…watch without…even hurting?"

Gokudera looked down as he stared at his Vongola ring. There it was, his promise he made years ago. He took a breath and wasn't sure how to put it into words. He shook his head because he felt his chest constrict in pain. A pain he felt the moment his Tenth told him he wanted to end the relationship. A relationship is what his Tenth called it. It just didn't feel like it. It felt like an unbreakable bond, but his Tenth proved it was breakable.

"I tell myself every day if I can't be with you then…" Gokudera started but it was so hard. Tsuna placed his hand over Gokudera's hand where the ring was and Gokudera smiled. He looked up and saw the reason for living.

"It would be sheer happiness to live, to die for the sole purpose of protecting you." Gokudera said it and Tsuna hugged his only love. He didn't care what anybody thinks, but that was romantic. His heart bumped so hard in his chest that he swore he could hear it in his ears. He sniffled as he buried his face into Gokudera's shoulder. The mixture of cologne and nicotine drowned the brunette in guilt.

"I'm sorry, Gokudera-kun. I'm really, really sorry." Tsuna said up against Gokudera's shoulder.

"Its okay, Tsuna. I'm somewhat over it." Gokudera rubbed Tsuna's back in way to comfort him. He wanted to be so close to him, closer than ever before but eventually this Tsuna would go back to his time. Then, he'll be alone again.

"I'm not over it." Tsuna answered and Gokudera smiled. He knew Tsuna cares so much about him. He's forgotten the feeling of being needed. He forgot the feeling of being loved by another. Tsuna pulled away and could only stare at Gokudera's clear green eyes. They were so small but had such a bright light to them that Tsuna was lost in them. Tsuna tried to find the right words to tell Gokudera how much he really loved him, but Gokudera didn't give him the chance. The silverette leaned into him and kissed him softly on the lips. How great it felt to feel love from his Tenth once more that Gokudera couldn't control his urge to take it a step further.

The soft gentle kiss turned into a rough and intimate one. Tsuna couldn't keep up and felt time, space, and everything else slow down to the point it wasn't even in a factor to his existence. He wanted to stay here. He wanted to immerse himself into Gokudera and into this time. He wanted a lot of things at the time. He wanted to change something. Tsuna hastily pulled away. He didn't want it to go this way. He wanted it to go a different way so that this Gokudera could always remember this night.

"What's wrong, Tsuna?" Gokudera asked. Did he go too quickly? Was the kiss to hard? Gokudera couldn't read Tsuna expression.

Tsuna smiled at Gokudera. He placed his hands in the middle of Gokudera's chest and leaned into him. "Can I try something?" He whispered seductively.

Gokudera paused before answered with a smile forming on his face. "Sure."

Tsuna slowly unbutton Gokudera's dress shirt so he could see everything till he took it off completely. Tsuna stared admiringly and Gokudera couldn't help but release a chuckle. Gokudera's caramel skin with large muscular chest and arms made Tsuna's stomach flip upside down. The boy he loved back in middle school turned into such an admirably handsome man. Tsuna inched closer to him, wanting to see more of Gokudera.

"Gokudera could you lie down, please. I want to try something." Tsuna said and Gokudera raised any eyebrow.

"Sure thing."

Tsuna climbed on top of Gokudera and giggled. He wanted to try this for some time now since he had a lot of time daydreaming about Gokudera in class. Tsuna quickly kissed Gokudera and felt his hands wrapped around Tsuna's waist. He pulled Tsuna closer to his large muscular body. Gokudera submitted to the temptation. He lost his control. He wanted Tsuna so bad. He needed his love, his body, his everything just so he could feel complete.

Tsuna could feel himself urging for more. His insides were craving for Gokudera. He kissed Gokudera with even more passion in it then the last. Their tongues forcefully played with one another. Their desires for one another got the better of them. Tsuna could feel Gokudera's hand traveled up under his shirt and feeling his chest. Gokudera felt each piece of his control breaking away. How badly he wanted to dominate Tsuna. He repeated over in his head that he wanted to enjoy these moments.

Gokudera stopped and pulled away to let Tsuna catch his breath. He could obviously see on Tsuna's face that he wanted this badly. Tsuna felt so hot and was burning under his skin. He sat up and took his school sweater off. When he leaned back down, Gokudera started to unbutton his school shirt. For once in Tsuna's life he wished he wasn't in this stupid uniform and was in something else, something easy to take off.

Tsuna's chest was bare and Gokudera smiled before he kissed Tsuna's skin near his neck. He tossed the clothes to the floor and held Tsuna so close to himself that it felt so right to have him on top. Tsuna bit his bottom lip when the kisses turn to sucks and teasing licks. Tsuna felt Gokudera's hands slip down the side of his waist and heard the unzipping of his pants. Later he felt the rest of his clothes slipping away from him which made him feel a bit uneasy, something Gokudera caught very quickly.

"Tsuna…" Gokudera's voice sounded soft outside his ear and Tsuna relaxed. Calm, he reminded himself he had to stay calm. "We don't have to do this…" He reminded Tsuna but the brunette relaxed even more.

"I want this." Tsuna replied as he closed his eyes. "I want you."

With those words, It started. Gokudera gently rubbed Tsuna before he began to pump slightly. Tsuna's reaction to it Gokudera's warm touched caused him to shiver. He still wasn't use to the feeling of someone touching him there. It was so sensitive. Tsuna lowered his head on Gokudera's shoulder and felt the strong build of pleasure rise inside him. It felt so good. No, it felt amazing because Gokudera knew what to do. He knew when to stroke Tsuna and knew where to rub him. Tsuna released a small moan as he buried his face into Gokudera's shoulder. This was so amazing. Tsuna kissed Gokudera and distracted him. When they pulled away a hint of passion in each other's eyes was clearly seen.

"More…I want more." Tsuna said hoarsely.

Gokudera's followed his order and brought his hand around to Tsuna entrance. He paused before he pushed two fingers in. So tight, that Gokudera had to trust a little bit harder just to stretch out Tsuna. Tsuna held back the cry of pain that he gripped the sheet of the bed. He held it so tight that Gokudera slowed his finger thrusts inside Tsuna. He thought he was going too fast.

Tsuna panted. "Don't…don't stop." He said and Gokudera couldn't believe his determination. Gokudera fingers began to pick up speed and Tsuna felt himself squirt onto himself and on Gokudera as well. Tsuna breathed hard and never in his life did he want Gokudera so much. He wanted so much more. Gokudera fingers pull out and felt Tsuna breathe in hard.

"Tsuna..." He stated but Tsuna sat up and looked down to him with half opened eyes. It was such an erotic face that turned Gokudera on.

"More…please…" He begged and saw the temptation in Gokudera's eyes. He looked down and unzipped Gokudera's pants. This feeling of being so close by a person you loved inside and out was so strong that Tsuna could barely stay in one world. Tsuna cocked his head back and moaned as Gokudera slid pass his entrance. Tsuna breathed hard and grabbed hold of Gokudera's hand, the pain was too much but he wasn't going to cry. He gulped back and quivered as Gokudera sunk in deeper. It was so tight.

"Tsuna…" He said sitting up but Tsuna's hands pushed him back down on the bed.

"I want…I want to…" Tsuna looked down to him and breathed hard once again. "I want to do it."

Tsuna slowly and steadily began to move up and down. He bit his tongue from the immense pain he created for himself, but Gokudera was inside him and that made Tsuna feel so alive. Nobody could lift him higher than Gokudera. He couldn't be with anyone else. It just wasn't fair. After a while, Tsuna picked up a greater speed and felt a small hint of pleasure at the end of the powerful pain.

"Ngh…ah!" Tsuna moaned and tossed his head back. He reached his limit.

"Tsuna, not so fast." Gokudera said as he kept his hold at Tsuna's hips.

"Ah! I-I can't…" Tsuna slowed down to catch his breath. "I can't…any more…Gokudera." He breathed in so hard that it looked painful. Gokudera smiled and sat up. Tsuna immediately sink into him and wrapped his legs around him. He wrapped his arms around his neck and rested his head on his shoulder. Gokudera kissed Tsuna's head in a way to say a job's well done.

"Let me finish." He whispered in his ear and Tsuna held onto him tightly.

Tsuna slowly and softly fell back on the bed and for once he couldn't care about anything else in world beside Gokudera. Tsuna stared into those forest green eyes above him and thought he could never leave them. Tsuna's body clenched as he felt his body rubbed so tightly with Gokudera's. Their hot wet naked bodies felt too good with one another. There couldn't be anyone else who could make Tsuna feel this way. There was just no way. Tsuna felt the dew of tears reaching the edge of his eyes as he knew he was telling himself a lie. He tried to hold them back, but it escaped him.

"Why are you crying?" Gokudera saw the tears and immediately thought he was hurting him. Tsuna didn't want to answer and forced his lips on Gokudera's. Gokudera returned the kiss but it troubled him to see Tsuna's cry. He broke the kiss and looked down to him caringly.

"Tell me, Tsuna." He asked again.

Tsuna hesitated as he tried to come up with something on the spot. "I…noticed ever since I got here…you call me by name…"

Gokudera froze. It was true but sometimes he would still call him Tenth. He only called him by his name when it just between them. Tenth seemed for something outside their world. Gokudera smiled and Tsuna's tears began to dry up. The smile could have cure cancer since it had so much love and purity. Tsuna sniffled as he smiled up to Gokudera.

"You call me by my name!" Tsuna laughed. "I'm so glad!"

"I love you so much, Tsuna." He said his shaking his head as it could only be his Tsuna to say such things. They shared another long kiss and Tsuna could feel his heart grew two sizes too big for his rib cage. There was so much love he had for Gokudera that there was no more room to put it all. He didn't care. Once he gets back to the past he going to change his future. He needed Gokudera in his life.

They broke apart and Gokudera for a strange reason couldn't help but say he loved Tsuna once again. He loved saying it because he couldn't say with his Tenth of this time. He wished he could but he doesn't have the courage. He doesn't even have the courage to smile at him anymore. He thinks that just the smile could make matters worse between him and his Tenth.

"I love you…Hayato." Tsuna's smile grew larger when he said Gokudera's name for the first time ever. It tingled on his tongue. When Gokudera heard his name he felt his heart grew wings. To hear his name come from his Tenth's mouth and was a feeling too great. Tsuna saw hint of sadness in Gokudera's eyes and could see them fill with water.

"Please, don't cry, Hayato!" Tsuna pleaded. "I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"I'm not crying." Gokudera lowered his head down and rested his forehead on Tsuna's shoulder. He couldn't look at him anymore. "I'm not crying." He repeated with his voice cracking.

Tsuna kept quiet and could hear his heart beating for Gokudera and Gokudera only. Gokudera's touch, his kiss, the way his skin rub against Tsuna's made this experience memorable. Tsuna loved Gokudera because Gokudera loved him back with the same amount as he loved him. It was the perfect love. A love that started in middle school, when they were fourteen. They were just kids. They didn't know love, yet they discovered it. Together.

Gokudera raised his head back and kissed Tsuna. He had to finish what he started. He wanted to finish so he can please his Tsuna, greater than ever before. Tsuna moaned in the back of his mouth and felt Gokudera's tongue wrapped around his. It was so sloppy and wet that a small trace of saliva spilled out of Tsuna's mouth. Gokudera broke away and wiped it away.

Tsuna shivered and felt his inside scream in pain as thrusts resonated throughout him. Tsuna wrapped his arms around Gokudera's neck and couldn't control the moans escaping from his mouth. Everything else seemed to dull in his mind and Tsuna only feel from that point. He felt the pleasure rise with each thrust and felt Gokudera reach deeper inside him, reaching his spot. Tsuna felt so much that everything seemed too turned into a blur.

Nothing but a big black blur.

* * *

Sunlight hit Tsuna's face and that's what woke him up. Tsuna yawned as he slowly turned in the bed with the blankets sticking to him. He looked like a human caterpillar. He sat up and realized he was still in the future. This must have been the longest amount of time that he spent in the future if he spent the whole night there. In fact, he really has no idea where he was actually. He knows its Gokudera's bedroom but could it been a room to a new apartment or whatever place he might be in. Tsuna looked around and thought; where were his clothes? He looked to the floor thinking they were there but saw nothing. Tsuna jumped when the door swiftly opened.

"Good morning, Tsuna." Gokudera said cheerfully as he walked over to the bed holding a tray with two coffee mugs.

"Um, morning, Hayato." Tsuna blushed a bit as he raised the blanket to cover his chest. Gokudera released a smile when he heard his name.

"I brought you some hot chocolate." He placed the tray on the nightstand and handed him the mug.

"Thank you." Tsuna smiled and received it.

Gokudera sat down next to him with his hot chocolate in his hands but Tsuna couldn't help to stare at him from the corner of his eye. Gokudera was wearing some baggy jeans with just a regular t-shirt and looked younger. Like he was a teenager all over again but something seemed to call on Tsuna's attention. He wasn't sure what but it was something on Gokudera's arm that the shirt's sleeve was blocking. Gokudera saw that Tsuna was staring at him and he lowered his hot chocolate from his mouth.

"Is something wrong?" He asked curiously and Tsuna shook himself out of his daze.

"Huh! Oh? Um, no I was just…" Tsuna trailed off as he slowly placed his mug on the bed. "I thought I saw something." Tsuna folded Gokudera's shirt's sleeve up to see what it was but his mouth dropped open when he saw it.

"You don't like it?" Gokudera saw Tsuna's reaction and felt a little bad.

"No, no I just didn't expect you to have a tattoo." Tsuna closed his mouth and couldn't believe he saw such a thing. It was cute in a Gokudera's kind of way. Tsuna traced it with his fingers and released a gently smile. It was shield with a tornado in the middle of it which was the Storm's Guardians symbol but behind it almost as if protecting the shield was a large yellow spotted leopard with its teeth bared.

"It's as if you loved your job." Tsuna said as he looked up to Gokudera's green eyes.

"I do, but I wouldn't call it a job since what I'm doing is something I love." Gokudera look down to him and touched his cheek with his hand.

"How is begin a Mafioso not a job?" Tsuna asked. Reborn was a Mafioso and sometimes it looks like job.

"If you love your job then you'll never work a day in your life. I love being near you, protecting you and being your guardian." Gokudera replied as he softly kissed Tsuna's forehead and Tsuna felt his heart melt.

"That's sweet of you." Tsuna smiled.

Gokudera kissed Tsuna quickly on his lips before he spoke. "I don't know how much longer you're going to stay in this time, but it would be better if you change into your clothes. You wouldn't want to poof back when your, um, in the current, uh, state that you're in." Gokudera pulled back and nervously smiled.

"Yeah you're right." Tsuna blushed and looked away. Before he got up from the bed, Gokudera kissed Tsuna softy on his cheek.

"I'll be right back. My hot chocolate doesn't have enough cream in it." Gokudera said as he headed out the door.

Tsuna look around the room once again in hopes to find his clothes but luck just wasn't on his side. Where the hell were his clothes? Tsuna leaned over to the side of the bed and thought to himself maybe it was mistakenly kicked under the bed. He lowered his head to the floor and tried to keep his balance. He looked under the bed and felt his skin crawl when he saw red glowing eyes stare back him.

"Um…" Tsuna stuttered as he saw it was a cat of ruby glowing eyes and couldn't stop hissing at him. It was a cat from hell. "Um, nice kitty." Tsuna felt chills run up and down his back when he saw his clothes under the paws of the cat.

The cat ran out from under the bed and barely collided with Tsuna's head who he managed to pull it back up in time. Tsuna watched as the yellow furry creature made its way to the door. It stopped next to the door and started to lick its claws. The cat was very unusual because it had red flames burning out of its ears. Unusual? No cat should have fire burning out of its ears!

Tsuna shook his head and thought maybe he was seeing things. There was no luck in comforting Tsuna because he could still see the cat. The yellow cat glanced over to Tsuna and he jumped. The look on the cat's face told him to stay away. Tsuna knew he wasn't going anywhere near that cat but he needed his clothes. He built up the courage and bent back down to reach for his clothes under the bed.

When Tsuna was finally dressed in his school uniform he could finally relax. He looked over to the door and saw the cat was sleeping. It gave Tsuna the perfect chance to walk around freely. Tsuna walked over to the desk off in the corner and saw a large wide book resting there as if asking to be open. He originally thought it was a book but when he opened up the cover he saw it was photo album.

It was filled with pictures of Tsuna and Gokudera. He smiled as he flipped through so many pages and saw years after years of the shared future he has with Gokudera. There was a picture with Gokudera kissing Tsuna on the cheek right before the picture was taken and of course Tsuna blushed. One picture had Tsuna giving Gokudera his seventeen birthday's present, while in reality it was Tsuna tied up in red ribbon. Another picture was taken at Christmas and another taken at the end of their last year in school.

There were endless pages of pictures, of an endless love.

When Tsuna flipped the next page his heart grew cold. The picture held such a terrible meaning that Tsuna bit his lower lip in disbelieve. Why would somebody take such a picture? You don't pictures of somebody in a hospital bed! Tsuna covered his mouth as he could never unseen what he saw. Never in his life would he want to see Gokudera in a hospital bed with tubes running into his mouth.

Gokudera didn't look as if he was pain but he looked…

Tsuna shook his head and didn't want to think about it. Gokudera looked…he looked. He looked cold and empty, there, that was a proper description. Tsuna looked at other pictures and each showed different days and times but they were all the same. They all had a Gokudera in the hospital bed. Tsuna counted and it was three months of pictures he saw Gokudera in the hospital. Tsuna then quickly flipped the page and saw the next picture had his future self in it. The future Tsuna was curdled up in a chair next to the bed and was sleeping. He looked dreadful and dreary. As if he couldn't take the pain anymore. As if he reached his limit.

Tsuna turned the page but there were no more pictures. It ended like that. Tsuna would never know what happened to his Gokudera. He knew his Gokudera was alive and well but Tsuna will never know. His heart wanted answers. He sighed as he closed the book and felt the sting of tears. He couldn't believe such things. He ruined his perfect relationship with Gokudera in the future. Gokudera was probably going to die in the future. Why couldn't he change these things?

"That's cheating, Tsuna." Gokudera sneaked up behind the brunette and rested his head on Tsuna's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Tsuna's waist and kissed the lower part of his neck.

"I have every right to look at it. It's my future isn't it?" Tsuna returned as he felt the warmth of Gokudera's love return to him.

"Yeah, but I rather you didn't." Gokudera whispered in his ear.

"What happened to you?" Tsuna cut to the chase. He was dying to know. "Did you…" Tsuna bite his tongue as he couldn't say the word.

"Do you really want to know?" Gokudera whispered in Tsuna's ear. Tsuna could feel his heart beating so hard in his chest that it hurt. Gokudera seductively trace his lips over Tsuna's ear and spoke. "You'll find out soon enough."

Anger rose inside Tsuna like a volcano about to erupt. He swiftly turned around to face Gokudera. "I want to know so I can change it when I return to the past!" He yelled. "I don't want that to happen to you! Tell me so when the time comes I can quickly change it! I don't want you to die! I don't want to see you get hurt! I want to fix what I destroyed!"

Gokudera was grateful he heard all that but there was only one way to reply to that. "You can't change what has already been written."

Tsuna shook his head and shook the tears out of his eyes. "Then I'll find a way and I won't give up like you already have!" Tsuna wanted to escape but Gokudera grabbed him by his shoulders and held him close. Gokudera wanted to prove a point and needed his Tenth's attention.

"Tenth if die in your future or in this future then it's a death from protecting you!" Gokudera voice sounded strained. "If I die…if I ever die then it would be for you. If you love me or not, I will die for you."

Tsuna froze and took in those words before he looked down to the floor. "Don't die for me, Hayato. Live with me and let's die together."

Gokudera released Tsuna's shoulders and trapped him in a tight embrace. "I wouldn't want it any other way, Tsuna."

Tsuna wanted to cry but didn't. He didn't want to cry anymore. He wanted to enjoy these moments he has with Gokudera. He hugged Gokudera tighter that he gripped the back of his shirt with his hands. He never wants to let go. He loves Gokudera and when he gets back to his time. He will make sure he will stay with his Gokudera. He's not going to hurt him let alone leave him. He won't and that's a promise.

"I love you, Hayato." Tsuna said happily as he knew he was going to keep his promise.

"I'll love you forever, Tsuna." Gokudera replied.

All of sudden pretty colors flashed in front of Tsuna's eyes. He saw all kinds of colors and knew was traveling back in time. _No! _Tsuna cried. He didn't want to return back to his time, well not yet. He wanted to stay little bit longer and love his Gokudera a bit more. Why of all times to send him back was during such a perfect moment.

When the colors faded and a blurred vision of the ocean took its place, Tsuna knew he was back in his time zone. Icy rain drops fell on Tsuna's head and he look up to the gray colored sky. A loud crashing thunder roared above his head and Tsuna flinched and caused him to lose his footing on the rock pier. Tsuna had no idea he was standing at the edge of the pier and when he was actually falling into the cold water where he realized he was going to die.

"Tenth!" Was the last thing he heard before being completely submerged in sea water.

Tsuna gasped as he tasted the salty water fill his mouth and spill into his lungs. So many thought rushed through his mind but all screamed for him to kick and swim. He knew he was going to drown. There was no use fighting it. A giant wave of water crashed into the side of his body so hard that it knock the wind out of him. The waves roughly pushed and tossed Tsuna to the sharpen rocks but another huge wave crashed down on him before he could even reach those rocks.

In seconds Tsuna was below the water and holding his breath. Under the water it was black and dark that it brought fear into Tsuna's heart. He kicked and swim to the surface and once he forced his head up for air another wave hit him in the face. He took in another mouthful of water. Tsuna coughed up sea water and managed to stay afloat. There was no more strength left in him to bear another wave and when it hit him, he let it bring him under the water, for him to drown.

He was so tried. His whole body ached. He was sore and cold. He was drowning in the dark damp world he feared in. He was glad he was able to tell Gokudera he loved him when he had the chance. Gokudera's smiling face flashed in Tsuna's head and his heart grew larger in his heart. Tsuna closed his eyes and felt like he was floating on thin air. He relaxed and felt warm, dry, and happy for a quick second.

"Te…"

Tsuna felt the cold droplets dance on his skin, tickling him as they went. Almost as if trying to wake him up.

"Th…nth!"

A huge ache in his chest surged throughout him and it allowed his conscience to return.

"Please Tenth! Answer me!" Gokudera's shouting forced Tsuna to open his eyes. It was such a warm sight to see Gokudera but see such a worried face on him made Tsuna frowned. He didn't like that face on Gokudera. It made him look, sad. He didn't like his Gokudera to look sad because it reminded him of the future Gokudera. The Gokudera with a broken heart.

"Tenth?" Gokudera called out once more. He held Tsuna's head up with his arm and lightly held his cheek. There was so much fear inside that it practically burned him to the bone. Tsuna slightly turned his head to Gokudera's direction. He smiled as he could only say what he felt when he first saw Gokudera.

"I love…you."

* * *

**A/N: **I wrote this originally for my best friend, Cupcake for her birthday. I reedit this for another cool-ass friend, Unsalted Top, but I'm not done. There's going to be a second part to this, it's just life is a bytch and it takes time to write fandom so stay tune for the other half. Anyway, this was for Unsalted Top's Birthday, Christmas, Happy New Year's present. *Claps for her* Okay, I'm done.


	2. An Endless Love

**An Endless Love**

Gokudera hurried as he pulled Tsuna onto the beach. There was an endless flow of fear running through his veins but Gokudera managed to act accordingly under such an emotion. He didn't think twice and did what he had to do to. He did everything he could to save what was precious. At that moment, he wasn't saving his Tenth. He was saving his beloved Tsuna. He placed his hands down in between Tsuna's breast and thrust downward. After three thrusts he opened Tsuna's mouth and blew into it.

Never before in Gokudera's life was he utterly afraid.

He was scared to lose him. The rain pelted down and it didn't seem to help calm his nerves. He rested his ear up against Tsuna's chest in chance to hear a pulse and when he heard it he continued to perform CPR. He repeated two more times till Tsuna coughed up the sea water that was trapped inside his lungs. Gokudera picked up Tsuna's head and cradled it his arms.

"Tenth!" He called out. By the sound of his voice he could tell it was shaking. His insides trembled and the fear nestled in his heart. Gokudera frowned as his Tenth didn't even flinch to the sound of his voice. Gokudera thought the worst and didn't want to believe it. He shook his head and continued to call his name.

"Please Tenth! Answer me!" He cried out as he held onto Tsuna more dearly. Gokudera's heart could have sung an opera of happiness as he saw Tsuna's eyes flick open. There were no words in that moment that could have explain how he felt but his Tenth knew the right words to say. It was raining. It was dark and cold. The ragging storm was right above them. It was loud and crashing but the words that came out of Tsuna's mouth was easy to hear.

"I love…you." He forced himself to say.

After all that trouble, after all the fear and that heart clenching situation, his Tenth said _that _to him. Gokudera smiled and didn't know what to say in return. He wanted to release tears but didn't even let his eyes swell up with water. What was the point of crying if his Tsuna was okay? He shook his head and smiled down to his only reason for living. His one and only Tsuna.

"I…love you, too." Gokudera said happily and Tsuna smiled weakly. Gokudera brought Tsuna closer to him and hugged. The sweet relief he felt was hard to express and all he could do was hug him. Tsuna closed his eyes and felt the butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He loved the cute little moments with Gokudera. He was cold and wet. He was sore and aching all over. He was tried and sleepy. All he wanted to do was be held by Gokudera forever.

"Take me home…please." Tsuna said quietly and Gokudera agreed. It seemed only right because he feared his Tenth might catch a cold. Gokudera couldn't take Tsuna back to his house all wet and dripping of ocean water. There was no excuse he could come up with to tell Tsuna's mother, so instead Gokudera took Tsuna to his apartment. It was very early morning. Literally nobody was on the street at this time so it made it easy to carry his Tenth home, bridal style.

Gokudera looked down to Tsuna who had his eyes closed and looked as if he was sleeping. His Tenth must be very tired. It was hard to believe this was the same person he talk with an hour ago. He saw and met with the Tsuna of the future. The Tsuna of the future was quiet and evasive towards Gokudera. He looked back up to the street he was walking on and took comfort from the street lights. It wasn't raining anymore but the storm was still brewing above them. Alone with his thoughts, Gokudera began to recall the moment with twenty-four year old Tsuna.

"_Why can't you just leave me alone?" _

Gokudera only heard the words from the conversation. At that moment, he could only hear the words being played in his head. He tried his best and not picture the actual moment. Just the thought might make him lose his balance. He wasn't planning to fall while carrying something as precious as his Tsuna. He would shut his eyes ever so often just to rid the moving picture in his head. He only wanted to hear it.

"_Why can't you comprehend? Love doesn't last forever." _

"_Tenth, I don't understand what you're telling me." _

"_We're NOT together in the future. That's what I'm trying to say. There I said it. Maybe if I say it now it won't hurt you as much as it will be when I tell you in the future." _

"_Tenth…that can't be true."_

"_It is and you're going to be in a coma for three months. That's the time…when…I cheat on you for someone else because you're not there…by my side…like you promised. So it's YOUR fault anyway."_

"_Why…how could you…Tenth?" _

"_Did you really just say that to me? WHY? WHY? Because I was alone! You left me to suffer in the darkness of our room every goddamn night! Do you know long three months is? It's an eternal nightmare! I wanted somebody near me…I wanted…to feel love…all over again." _

"_It wasn't my choice for you to suffer." _

"_Everybody has a choice." _

"…"

"_Don't just stand there…staring at me." _

"_Does he love you?" _

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Does he love you the same way I do? Does he cherish each moment with you? Is he loyal? Is he willing to die for you? Is he willing to stay in a hospital bed for three months like I did? Does he love you from the inside out like I did? Does he even say the words 'I love you' from his heart… like I still do?" _

"Gokudera-kun…" Tsuna's voice pulled Gokudera away from his memories.

"Huh?" Gokudera said as he looked down to him.

"You're crying…" Tsuna said as he touched Gokudera's wet cheek. "You're really crying…"

Gokudera was speechless. He never realized he released tiny tears. He was amazed at himself for not crying at the moment when Tsuna of the future told him such terrible things. Now that he was alone with his thoughts it was easy for him to cry. That is, until his Tenth who wasn't actually sleeping caught him crying. Gokudera sighed and looked away.

"Please forgive me, Tenth." Gokudera said quietly as he blinked away the tears. Tsuna frowned as he wiped them away with his hand for Gokudera. Gokudera smiled weakly to Tsuna in a way to say thank you. Tsuna felt bad and wrapped his arms around Gokudera's neck. He laid the side of his head on Gokudera's shoulder and wasn't planning on letting go. He felt so guilty for everything his future self done to such a wonderful person like Gokudera. Now was his chance to change everything and make up for it. He was going to change everything.

"Don't apologize for crying..." Tsuna muttered through Gokudera's shoulder. Gokudera heard it perfectly and only smiled.

"You're so kind, Tenth." Gokudera said cheerfully. Tsuna's face colored faintly with a blush as he buried his face deeper. The future Gokudera said something similar like that.

"We're almost there Tenth." Gokudera said as he turned the street corner. There was a short silence and it gave Tsuna enough time to wonder why Gokudera would be crying. It wasn't hard and there was only one explanation for it. Tsuna wasn't sure how to say it but he wanted to know. He had to build up so much courage to open his mouth, take a breath and say it.

"The future me told you, didn't he?" He started.

"What do you mean, Tenth?" Gokudera played dumb.

"My future self told you…about us not being together in the future." Tsuna buried his face deeper as the image of the miserable future Gokudera popped into his head.

"Y-yeah…" Gokudera said unable to take his eyes off the street.

"Did he, um, did I say anything else?" Tsuna asked.

"Nothing else, really." Gokudera lied. There was so much more the future Tsuna said but Gokudera could never tell his Tenth. After all he's been through telling him wouldn't be the smartest choice right now. Besides, Gokudera knows he could never tell Tsuna the truth. It hurts Gokudera just thinking about it so telling Tsuna would be unbearable for him. Gokudera looked down and could see how uneasy his Tenth was. There was nothing he could because he himself was uneasy.

Gokudera and Tsuna dated for a month and were completely close and happy. Until today, when they learned their future together wasn't as they planned, it made them entirely strangers.

* * *

Tsuna yawned into his hands as he stood in the bathroom of Gokudera's apartment. He was so sleepy that it was hard to stand up. He rubbed one of his eyes as he watched Gokudera turned the faucet and warm water poured into the bathtub. Tsuna watched admiringly at every move Gokudera made. How graceful Gokudera was as he bends his knees to floor to open up the cabinet door and take out a towel. Tsuna saw the thinking expression on Gokudera's face and smiled to himself. Tsuna's skin tickled as Gokudera used his left hand to pull back his silver bangs behind his ear and looked deeper into cabinet to find a bottle of shampoo. When he did, Gokudera's face brightened up and so did Tsuna's.

Gokudera straighten back up and handed the towel to Tsuna. Tsuna took it and purposely made their fingers rubbed one another. He looked up and saw Gokudera's reaction. It wasn't even an embarrassed expression or even a tiny blush like Tsuna predicted, but just a nervous look as he looked away. Tsuna's heart constricted in pain. He couldn't believe what he just saw.

"Just wait for the tub to fill with water and you can take you bath, Tenth." Gokudera said as he placed the bottle of shampoo close to the bath tub. Tsuna nodded his head and watched Gokudera leave. When Tsuna heard the door close behind him he fell silently to his knees and released painful tears. He cried into the towel that was meant to dry him after the bath. He used it to muffle his tiny sobs. He felt so guilty and the way Gokudera was treating him wasn't making it any better.

Everything was different now. There weren't smiles or laugher like it was with the future Gokudera. Tsuna couldn't sense any love between him and Gokudera. What happened? How could it vanish so quickly? Did he do something wrong? What a stupid question. Of course he did something wrong. He made the biggest mistake in his life. The funniest part is he hasn't even made it yet. He hasn't even broken Gokudera yet.

Tsuna stopped and remember what Gokudera of the future told him. He couldn't change what was already written. What if he really couldn't change the future? Could he really deal with the fact of hurting his Gokudera? But by the looks of it he already looked hurt. It was his future self's fault for telling Gokudera about their future. Tsuna sighed. His future self already beat him to the chance. Tsuna rubbed his eyes and took a breath before he started to undress himself.

He's given up. There's no point of trying to changing something if it's still going to happen in the future.

Tsuna sat in the bath tub hugging his legs to his chest. He could only think and that's all he wanted to do. It's only been a month since he's been together with Gokudera. He's thinking of ending it right now before anything else happens. If he does, Gokudera probably wouldn't get hurt in the future. Gokudera will never be hurt by him. Gokudera would only have a reasonability of being his Guardian. Tsuna bit his bottom lip as it was a wonderful idea since he only thought of the well being of Gokudera and not himself. There was a knock on the door and Tsuna turned to see Gokudera walk in. He changed into newer drier clothes but the melancholy still clung him like a dark fog.

"Tenth, if you spend any more time in there, you're going to shrivel up like a raisin." Gokudera said as he closed the door behind him. Tsuna didn't answer and turned his head away. He went back to his mindless thoughts and knew this perfect love could never have its happy ending.

Gokudera frowned as it was hard to make conversation with his Tenth. Before, they would talk for hours because they were the best of friends with no idea of the future. Now that they do know the future, it's as if there's no point on continuing because they both know it was going to end. Gokudera throw those thought and feeling out of his head. It wasn't the time to be thinking such things. A small smile spread on Gokudera's face as he noticed Tsuna's hair was damp but not clean.

"You obviously don't know the meaning of taking a bath." Gokudera said as he walked over to the bathtub. He sat on the ledge and picked up the bottle of shampoo.

"What're you doing?" Tsuna asked.

"Giving you a proper cleaning." Gokudera looked down to him. He squeezed the bottle till soap poured onto his free hand.

"I can do that myself." Tsuna pouted.

"You been in here for half an hour already and you haven't even clean your hair. Yeah, you obviously can do it yourself." Gokudera said and rubbed the liquid into both hands.

"Don't get smart with me…" Tsuna mumbled.

"I'm sorry." Gokudera smiled as he started to lather up the top of Tsuna's head. Tsuna blushed and looked away as he knew he couldn't stop him. Gokudera rubbed till giant white studs and bubbles formed.

"Close your eyes, Tenth." Gokudera said as he took the rag and that was floating on the water's surface and squeezed it over Tsuna's head. Tsuna closed his eyes and some of shampoo was washed off. Gokudera smiled as an interesting idea popped into his head. His smile formed into a cunning grin as he took a small scoop of bubbles and smudge it against Tsuna's nose.

"Hey!" Tsuna laughed as he cleared it away with his arm.

"Your nose was dirty, Tenth." Gokudera chuckled and Tsuna splashed him some water. Gokudera laughed as he took another handful of bubbles and covered it on the side of Tsuna's face. It continued like this for a while. Bubbles and water were being fling and neither one wanted stop because it felt amazing to laugh with one another. Gokudera sat up from where he sat and gasped.

"Tenth! I just changed my clothes! I'm all wet!" Gokudera said as he looked down to his dripping wet t-shirt. Tsuna raised an eyebrow. He took that as a challenge. He sat up and grabbed Gokudera by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down into the bathtub. It overflew and water spilled over the ledges. A surprised Gokudera was speechless and a contented Tsuna was laughing at the prank he pulled.

"Hey…you must be pretty brave." Gokudera said moving closer to him and Tsuna held up his hands in defense.

"No! No! I'm sorry-" Tsuna begged but Gokudera didn't give any mercy. He grabbed hold of both of Tsuna's hands and kissed him. Tsuna never saw it coming and his eyes widen. Did he really get kiss as a punishment? Tsuna's eyes drifted close as he wished it didn't stop. Then a warming sensation filled his chest. It was warm, warmer then the water surrounding him, warmer then Gokudera's body up against his.

Tsuna opened his mouth as Gokudera's tongue slipped in. He didn't understand his heart anymore. Before, he didn't want Gokudera and wanted to let him go for the best, but right now. He wanted him so bad that it practically left him sick in his stomach. Unfortunately, the warm sensation in Tsuna's chest faded because Gokudera pulled away. Why did he look so hurt? Tsuna held Gokudera's face and seemed to speak from his heart because he gave no thought to it.

"If you don't want to be with me, Gokudera-kun I can understand...I mean, well," Tsuna started but it sounded wrong.

"What are you talking about, Tenth?" Gokudera raised his voice. "Of course I want to be with you. What makes you think I don't?"

"The way you've been behaving. You're…you're acting like…we're strangers!" Tsuna fought back.

"Doesn't mean I don't want to be with you."

"So you admit that you have been treating me like a stranger."

"That's not the point!" Gokudera shouted and Tsuna knew he upset him. Gokudera looked away and knew he couldn't raise his voice to his Tenth. It just wasn't right. He lowered his head a bit and knew he had to speak and break the tension. He had to or his yell would scare his Tenth forever. Gokudera looked to Tsuna and touched his cheek.

"I love you, Tenth…" He started and Tsuna remained quiet. "I've been thinking. If you really…are with someone else in the future then I'm okay with that. As long you're happy. As long, I can secretly love you from afar, then I think we can be…close as friend." Gokudera stated and Tsuna found that idea worst then his. He couldn't do that. He could never do that.

"No. I refuse." Tsuna fought back. "I only want to be love by you. You only, Gokudera."

"It's just…a plan in case it does, Tenth." Gokudera said as he looked away. Tsuna blew his top. He was angry. The Gokudera of the future gave up so easily and his Gokudera of the present gave up just now. He can't let that happen.

"Please stop calling me that!" Tsuna exploded.

"Calling you what?" Gokudera snapped.

"Why can't you call me Tsuna? Why do you have show me respect? It's just us right now! Just you and me! I want you to call me Tsuna when it's just you and me so only I can hear it!" Tsuna's eyes swelled up with tears but he held them in. "I don't understand you anymore! I don't get it!"

"Tenth…" Gokudera moved closer.

"Stop it!" Tsuna shouted as he held up hands in way to keep him away. "I love you! I really do! I don't understand why I'm going to leave you in the future but I know for sure that _right now _I love you so much Gokudera that it hurts! It would hurt me if you ever leave me or worst, I would die inside if you never come back for me."

Tsuna didn't cry. He didn't release a single tear. He held it all in. Which was a good thing because he felt like he overcame a fault. Tsuna dropped his hands into the water and felt every part of his insides constricted in pain. Why did this hurt? Maybe because it was an act of desperation. Tsuna doesn't want to ever let go of someone as precious as Gokudera. He was desperate to keep him forever.

"I don't understand what's wrong with me…" Tsuna started back up again but his voice was losing its strength. He looked to Gokudera and knew this was the only person he could ever love. There's no other that's unique like Gokudera. Nobody even came close. Nobody smoked cigarettes on the roof of building. Like Gokudera. Nobody was hard core with a soft center like Gokudera. Nobody wore rings and punk style chains to their paint's loop like Gokudera. Nobody could be a complete duplicate like Gokudera.

"I don't care what happens in the future…all I care about, is us." Tsuna said finally and looked down to the surface of the water. It was done. He spoke the truth. He spoke from his heart. He just wanted to disappear for a month just so his heart could heal from forcing its self open.

Gokudera didn't say anything and moved closer to Tsuna. He wrapped his arms around him and comforted him in a hug. Tsuna rested his chin on Gokudera's shoulder and closed his eyes. He loved this. This is what he wanted and needed almost every day. He needed to be loved by his Gokudera. He needed too or he couldn't live the day to the fullest.

"I'm sorry." Gokudera said quietly in Tsuna's ear. "I'm really sorry."

"Why are you even apologizing? It should be me who should be saying those words."

"I'm sorry I gave up." Gokudera pulled away to look Tsuna in the eyes. He cupped his cheek and kissed his lips delicately. "I'm sorry, for everything that I didn't do."

"That doesn't even make any sense…" Tsuna said with a smile.

"It does to me." Gokudera kissed him again and this time it lasted longer. The longest they ever gone. It was perfect and breathe taking. Tsuna didn't care if he was naked in a tub of warm water kissing Gokudera. It felt wonderful and magically. As if this always happens and Tsuna wishes it never end. That it continues till someone grew tired.

Gokudera pulled Tsuna on his lap or in his sense, brought him closer. Tsuna wrapped his arms around Gokudera's neck and broke the kiss for a second. Just to catch a small breath of air before going back for another memorizing kiss. This feeling inside was expanding and burning with heat. Tsuna knew what it was. Oh. He knew it the day he and Gokudera were ever alone, or when they shared their first kiss, or when they first had sex. It was the love he had for Gokudera. It grew larger each time they were close and it burned him from the inside out.

It was love. A perfect love that Tsuna promised, not to himself, not to his heart, but to Gokudera that he would do whatever it takes to keep the love endless.


	3. Epilogue

**Epilogue: **

**Imperfect love **

**~ Sawada Tsunayoshi ~ **

I remembered the day where I lost hope in life.

It was a normal day, like any other day. We woke up together in bed wrapped in beautiful white warm sheets. The sheets of your bed. You would always wake up before me and lay there next to me so you could watch me sleep. You said you loved it. I said I hated it because it was creepy, but deep down inside I found it romantic. You made me hot chocolate that morning like you did other mornings. It was the perfect balance of milk and cream. Nobody made hot chocolate like yours. Nobody.

I wasn't sure but for some reason that morning we stayed in our pajamas and actually enjoyed the morning together. We never did that before. We knew we were going to be late for work but at that time we didn't really seem to care. Originally, I thought the reason why you were being so clingy to me was because your birthday was a week away. You probably wanted something from me. How selfish I was to think such things.

We kissed in the middle of the kitchen as Uri and Natsu rubbed their tails at our feet because they wanted breakfast. My arms reached up for you so you could hold me close. I wanted to feel you up against me. To _actual_ feel you so I could wish really hard for that moment to last forever. The taste of chocolate in both our mouths made the experience warm and sweet. I didn't get my wish, but the feeling of being kissed by you was enough to make it feel magical. It was perfect. Our life together was perfect, like the first fall of winter snow.

At that time, I had no clue that would be the last time we kiss for the next three months.

We went to work late. Nobody noticed. Nobody cared. It was a sad rainy Tuesday and nobody seemed to be in the mood to work. Everybody was tired and sleepy. Nobody saw the attack coming. At first, I thought it was thunder outside my window. I was completely wrong. You were the first on the scene. You knew what to do as if this happened many times before. Why didn't I sense this coming? Hyper Intuition, my ass.

There were many threats before, but we never took them seriously. They were a small rival group. They were nothing. But, on that day they proved they were something more than we thought. They proved they were an army with no remorse. They came quick and attacked us like we knew ahead of time. I'll never forget the solemn expression on your face as you told me to take safety. I smiled and properly refused.

"I have every bit of right to protect and fight alongside you."

Those were my words. It gave strength to everybody in the room, but for you it brought worry. I should have listened to you. The image of flames burning everything I love will forever smolder in my head. The image of everybody fighting for the sake of survival will forever sicken me. As a family we haven't fought together since the battles for the rings. That was almost ten years ago when we are all children. Now, we're men. We could have handled this, but it was too much for us. Everybody got hurt. Even I was hurt but it was nothing compared to you. I always felt that this was my fault. I noticed the signs but never took notice. It could have been prevented.

That was the day I lost hope in life.

I can close my eyes and see you there, lying in the courtyard. Lifeless. I didn't want to believe it till, well, I could see you weren't in the same world as me. Uri was there. She was protecting you when you couldn't. She growled at me the second I came close to you. I deserved that. She didn't want me near you because she knew that I was the reason why you were bleeding to death on the ground. Uri was hurt just as much as you were. She fell to the ground when she couldn't hold up her own weight anymore. Natsu couldn't run fast enough to the adult leopard. Her flames were dying out. She too, looked lifeless. Natsu tried so hard to lick her wounds and comfort her. His efforts were in vain.

I, on the other hand couldn't move.

I was dead were I stood. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I wanted to know if you were alive yet I was afraid if I went over to where you were, I would find you dead. I couldn't keep that image of your lifeless face in my head. I couldn't. Natsu cried out as Uri turned into nothing but faded red flames and returned back to her box. I wanted to cry out as well. I wanted to cry out your name. I walked over to you finally. I wanted you to look to me. I wanted you to tell me you were fine. I wanted to see you alive, breathing, being the person who you are. I wanted you all over again.

"_It would be sheer happiness to live, to die for the sole purpose of protecting you..." _

"_I love you Tsuna…"_

"_I promise to be yours forever. I promise to by your side till I can't no more." _

"_You're too sweet, Tsuna…" _

"_Trust me. I'm the lucky one to have you." _

"_Te amo means I love you in Italian. I'll say it when I don't have the strength to actual say 'I love you' which is pretty pitiful of me…" _

"_I'm pretty sure Uri's a girl. I mean, Natsu really likes her…ah hell who cares, all I know they represents us but in a much cuter form." _

"_I'm sorry for everything I didn't do…" _

"_Tenth, I don't see how my hot chocolate is the best. It's just powder and boiling water." _

"_Tsuna if we take any more pictures, we're probably going to have three albums fill with photos of us just kissing."_

"_No. I'm not doing it. No. I'm not going to kiss you in the rain. Tsuna. Please don't give me those eyes…come here….." _

Your voice and so many memories of us played in my head that eventually I couldn't take it.

I cried. I cried holding you. I couldn't lose you.

I really couldn't.

I remembered the day I traveled to the future and saw the older you. I thought I was going to prevent this from happening. I didn't hold up that side of the promise. I'm such a liar. That is how I lost hope in life because I knew I couldn't live without you. I knew I couldn't. You were more than the reason to get up in the morning. You were more than the reason to take the next breath. You, alone, are the meaning to my life.

Everything after that moment had no significance to me. I was a zombie. I was there but not truly there. I stayed outside the emergency room for hours. I sat there as someone else took care of my wounds. I sat there alone with Natsu sleeping on my lap. I sat there when night turned to day. I sat there when morning turned into midday till finally someone came to me and told me your current condition.

"_It's better than the actual death…" _

Those were the words that were meant to make feel better. A coma is better than the actual death? No, it's not. It's like a fake death. You're dead on the outside but kept alive by machines on the inside. Why didn't I feel happy? Why didn't I feel at least some remorse? They told to go home. How could I? You weren't the only one that was hospitalized. Yamamoto, Ryohei and even Lambo were hurt. That's four family members. I can't go home and sleep that off. I can't go home and continue daily life like those four were never even hurt. I can't do that. That's not me.

Yet, I went home anyway.

It was dark and cold without you. It was the middle of the day but it was dark inside my heart. The apartment was lively and full of love when we were in it together. Now that you won't be back for God-knows-how-long, it seems dead and dark. I stood up against the door for hours. I didn't want to enter such a place. Alone. Without you. Natsu pushed me forward.

I walked into our bedroom. I opened the door and anger consumed me. I was angry at myself. I was angry at the world because it took you away from me. I wanted you back, but I couldn't have you no matter how much I cried. I felt like a child ripped away from his favorite toy. I ran to the closet and pulled out all of your clothes. I threw them to the bed as I was crying. Sweaters, shirts, dress shirts, pants, anything. I threw them all.

It was an act out of desperation. It was childish and immature. It was wrong and stupid.

I hugged an armful of your clothes to my chest. I lay in the cold empty bed surrounded by your scent. Nicotine, cologne, and a hint of me were on the clothes. It was enough to rock to me sleep. It was enough to numb the pain and sorrow. First time in ten years I went to sleep alone. It was strange and cold waking up without you staring at me like you use to. I closed my eyes again and faded back to sleep. I was determined to wake up with you there beside me.

I remember the day I was saved from the dark hole of regret.

I think I spent a week sleeping off life. I'm not sure, but that's what he told me. I'm not sure if that's true but he's my best friend and I trust him. He was the only friend I could relate to. He was once no good like me. He too, found it hard to believe that he would become a boss of a family, like me. But together we did anyway. Enma was just like me. Small short, no good but most of all, my most trusted friend.

"I feel like I'm inside a cave. Let's open these up." Enma said smiling as he opened up the curtains. The sunlight beamed in and I covered the blanket over my head. No. I'm still not over the fact that you're not here with me. I wanted you back Gokudera. I wanted to sleep till I wake up with you beside me because that's the point of living.

"Tsuna-kun, I think you had enough time sleeping." He sounded closer.

Ugh! Why can't I be left alone? It was quiet for a while that it gave me time to close my eyes and slowly rock back to sleep. That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to sleep away the pain and loneliness. I wanted to wake up and find you there sleeping with me. That's all I'm asking. It was quite horrible of me as the Tenth of Vongola to just drop everything because the love of his only life is probably going to die in hospital bed. How rude of me.

"Tsuna-kun, I think it's time for you to stop this little pity thing you're doing." Enma said as he pulled the blanket off. I groaned and crunched up into a ball.

"I honestly have no idea or can imagine how you're feeling but-"

"That's exactly it!" I sat up and shouted at the top of my lungs. I guess I snapped because I was angry at the fact that it takes a week for somebody to notice my breakdown or it could have been that he took my blanket and I was freezing my ass off.

"You don't know crap about how I feel! You have no idea how the hell it feels to lose something more precious than dear life itself! Don't come to me trying to comfort me! I don't want your pity! I want him back! I want Hayato Gokudera back! I can't live without him and you can't even comprehend what I'm saying because you never experience love like I have! So no! Don't try to imagine because you can't!"

Enma slapped me after that.

It hurt badly.

It wasn't like in dramas where the person just looks back at the person who slapped them with a surprised expression. That slap was so hard that it knocked me back into my pillows. Enma left without a word and I just lay there. I didn't cry if that's what you're wondering. For a while, I thought to myself that what I said was a little bit mean and I probably should apologize. I knew I wouldn't have the guts to tell him when Enma showed up the following day.

He brought me some of my work that I needed to look over and sign. I told Enma I never wanted to leave this room. He said he understand and continue to visit me. At that time I didn't understand why but since then he's been coming over a lot and I kind of enjoyed the company. Natsu enjoyed it even more than I did. We sat together and talked about our family and other stuff. We would watch old black and white movies together in the bedroom.

It was fun. I laughed and smiled every time I was with Enma. His smiled and laugh which made my stomach turned happily. I forgot how such emotions felt. It felt good, like I was human again and not a zombie. I finally had the guts to thank Enma for everything he's done. I think I spot a blush on Enma's face when I said it. Maybe because I said it randomly during the middle of the movie when the couple were going to kiss.

That was the day I was saved from the dark black hole of regret, to be precise. Enma saved me.

Time traveled quickly before my eyes. I celebrated Gokudera's birthday without him and with Enma. Which ended badly because I started to cry when I realized I was spending Gokudera's birthday without him. That's something that should _never _happen. The feeling of sorrow and pain of not having Gokudera here resurfaced. I wanted to rip my hair out and cry tears of blood.

My birthday came next. I spent it with Enma. It was fun. I think. I don't remember because I use my birthday as an excuse to get drunk. Enma wasn't happy with the fact that I drank so much. He had some too but not enough to slur his words like I was. Thank god I was drunk for a short amount of time. Enma said I knocked out like a rock dropped into a pond.

One day out of the blue, Enma said I should pay Gokudera a visit. Tears fell out of my eyes the moment I heard his name. I don't why I started crying. I haven't gotten the slightly idea. Maybe because I forgotten all about him and my heart felt guilty that I did. Enma hugged me tight and repeated outside my ear that he was sorry. He thought he made my cry when in fact it was just me being emotional. When I finally stopped I smiled to Enma and told him it wasn't his fault.

Enma smiled back at me. My smile grew bigger. We laughed together. We laughed really loud like we meant it. When it was over, we smiled together again.

We kissed after that innocent and gentle smile.

To be honest, I really liked it. In fact I enjoyed it too well. I fell back on the bed and felt Enma's body up against mine. It felt amazing to be touched and kissed by somebody. Our body's rubbed and rubbed till I felt like my body was on fire. Our tongues explored each other's mouths till I couldn't breathe. There was no control or time to think. Our clothes came off. Our bare skin felt one another. It was amazing. The sex was amazing.

The next morning I woke up in Enma's naked arms in Gokudera's bed. In Gokudera's room. In Gokudera's apartment. I wanted to barf up my guts. I wanted to kick myself. I wanted to die. What have I done?

I managed to sneak away from Enma and ran away from the scene of the crime. There was nowhere I could go but to you. I went to Gokudera. I haven't seen him since the rainy day in the courtyard. When I walked through the door and saw you sleeping. I felt a chill of guilt. Why in this moment I felt home? I took a seat next to the bed and reached for your hand. It was warm.

You were alive.

I closed my eyes and tears fell down. There was no forgiveness for what I did.

"I don't deserve somebody perfect like you Hayato…" I said softly to you. "I always thought _we_ were perfect together. Now I know I was wrong. You were perfect. You did everything right while I did everything wrong. You put me first. You loved me. You're loyal. You're my savior. I never even thank you for saving me on the beach back ten years ago! I took your for granted!"

I began to cry.

"Why can't I be like you…?"

I began to rub my tears away with the sleeve of my shirt like a five year old.

"Why can't I make the same sacrifices like you do for me…?"

I whimpered and buried my weeping face into my hands.

"Why can't I start over to the beginning?"

I cried out. A loud and gasping cry of pain.

"Please Hayato! Forgive me but I didn't have the will power to keep my promise!"

I couldn't stop crying. I sat in the seat and wished you wake up because I don't think I have the strength to say it again. I wanted to die. I really did. I wanted to experience a painful and tormented death because that is the punishment of what did to such an amazing lover like Gokudera. My eyes burned with pain from crying but I didn't stop.

I, out of my painful sorrow, lay down next to you on the hospital bed. I lay my head on your shoulder and watched as you take in air and breathe it out. You are alive and unaware of the actions of have done. You are perfect and unaware of the imperfections of myself. You are alive and well while I'm dying of my faults and sins.

I do not deserve you. I am not lucky to have you. I am utterly indebted to destiny to have you. I fell asleep next to you. I went to sleep with tears wetting the edge of my eyes. I know when you wake I will tell you every detail. I will not lie and I will lose you. You will fall out of love with me. I know you too well Hayato. I know you.

All I ever wanted was to have you and have a perfect life. I wanted to keep my promise. I wanted to make you happy till we die together. I wanted us to be happy. I wanted to change the future. I wanted to drink hot chocolate with you every morning till I gain diabetes. Not a single one of those came true

In those three months, all I ever wanted was to wake up and find you watching me sleep because I found that romantic.

"Good morning, Tsuna…" You greeted me that morning with a warming, loving smile.

Oh karma. It's nice to know you still work.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, it's over. It's been fun. You know I won't lie. I cried finishing the end. It might have to do with the fact that I was listening to Mahou no Te by Len Kagamine.

Please make me happy and review! It's not that hard! TwT


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